at dinner tonight

my dad informed me that father mccarren passed away this morning.

i think he's the only father that ever made me even want to believe.

i remember a few years ago when my parents used to have us come with them to visit him after he was transferred to a church in palo alto. he was one of those people that had so much faith that he never felt the need to lecture anybody about anything, ever. the dread associated with these visits didn't come from fear of sitting in a room with a priest suffocating you with guilt (no, not at all!), but from fear and sadness that comes with watching a truly wonderful man’s health deteriorating right in front of your eyes. i would just sit there, while he would tell us how he’s been. he loved using hand gestures while he spoke. never let the unstoppable shaking in his hands stop him. and i would just continue to sit there. smiling. smiling and fighting back tears and the giant lump in my throat because all i could think was that this man, this amazing human being, won’t be here some day soon. how many people’s lives has he touched with his gentle blue eyes and comforting smile with every genuine greeting? how amazing of a life did he lead up to this point? how hard is it gonna hit me when the day finally comes? those were questions i could never stop asking myself during each visit.


well,


the day is here. the funeral is on friday. and i’m okay. maybe being a little overly sentimental, but that’s okay. i hate having to say good bye to good people, but i’m thankful for at least having had the chance to know them enough to give a final farewell.

if that gentle old man can't rest in peace, then i don’t know who can.