eeeeeeee!!

my current desk is a little coffee table, so i do all of my sitting on the floor. sometimes i just free fall back and lay down for a while. but thank gad of all gads that i didn't tonight because instead, i turned around and found a BIRD!

A BIG BLOODY FAT LUMP OF FEATHERY DEADY BIRDNESS JUST 6 INCHES FROM MY ASS. i could not recall any moment in time where i could possibly have crapped something this disgusting on my carpet. ever. EVER EVER EVER OMG WHY!!!!!!

so of course i ran downstairs crying for my dad to get rid of it. after he gently removed the poor thing, i went on a mad dash for the 409 or cleaner or any kind of disinfectant i could get my hands on. he was trying to convince me that i didn't need it. totally had that
back-in-the-olden-days-of-toughin'-it-out-in-the-poor-country-side vibe goin' on. there's a difference when you're a sissy girl that grew up in a california suburb.

"NO. NO. NO DAD. NO. I CAN'T DO IT. I JUST CAN'T. I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME CAN'T YOU SEE!!!"

at least that's what i hope he understood through my interpretive dance of jumps and squeels and hands covering my face. eeeeeeee!!

i just could not believe something like this could seriously show up out of nowhere at 11:50pm. who could pull such an effed up prank?!

"oh." i soon thought to myself. TOBY!

dog! why! why dog why! i realize now that it was just his offering to me. he was just trying to protect us (that dog really hates birds). so as sweet of a gesture as it was, no thank you! sorry toby, even though i may be your favorite, i will not love you any less if next time you decide to instead take that kindness to my brother or sister's room. i'll even give u a treat!